If You're Awkward and You Know It, Clap Your Hands Sporadically and Off-beat (An AKS Documentation)

AKS (Awkward Krista Syndrome): a condition often characterized by blundering words, awkward silences, two left feet, self-conscious chuckles, and inappropriate laughter.

Today, I drove with my mom to her job at the high school. She got out of the car, and I was going to take it for the day while she was at work. When we pulled up to the curb and she got out, I caught sight of one of my former teachers walking out to the parking lot. My mom pointed him out, too. Now, this happened to be one of my all-time favorite teachers. I wrote a scholarship essay using him as an example of what a great teacher should be. I've even thought if I ever get a book published to include him in the acknowledgments. Great teacher. Great guy.

And I didn't want him to see me.

Now you have to understand, I hadn't showered yet, so I felt gross. I was wearing the same shirt I'd slept in and lounging pants--also slept in. My hair was a mess, I hadn't cleaned off my makeup from the day before, and I just. Felt. Gross.

So instead of getting out and walking around the car to switch to the driver's seat, I climbed over the center console. My mom wasn't thrilled about that. She's convinced that one of these times, I'm gonna knock the gear into drive or reverse and it'll end in someone's death or serious injury.

"Why did you climb over? I told you not to do that," she said.

"I didn't hit it [the gear]," I responded. Weak justification.

"I know why," she claimed knowingly. "Because you didn't want to get out and have to say hi to him."

Despite myself, I had to chuckle. She was right. She knows me too well.

And the thing is, I'm pretty certain he saw me, anyway, through the windshield. Especially considering he knows my mom and most likely saw her get out. The encounter I had wished to avoid wasn't avoided; it was merely altered in a way that accentuated my discomfort in any semi-social situation.

But that's how life goes for someone like me, I suppose. What can I say? I'm a natural at making myself feel uncomfortable in virtually any setting. And by some misalignment of the stars, he's probably just gonna happen across this post, read it, and feel unsettled that I'm writing about it and publishing it on the World Wide Web.

Oh well.